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Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually succeeded by a “crash”, where he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, leaving him highly sensitive to criticism from external sources. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after researching his symptoms through digital sources – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – most notably if they harbor beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve built up. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Although people have been identified with narcissism for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people keep it private, because of significant negative perception linked to the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through actions such as seeking admiration,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Although up to 75% of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are males, research suggests this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” notes a young adult who discusses her co-occurring conditions on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I either go into self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Despite having this behavior – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her past. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if I say something manipulative, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures as a child. “I’ve been learning all this time what is and is not appropriate to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she comments. There were no boundaries when my relatives were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was actually she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his GP, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: The estimate was it is probably going to be in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his mental health status, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he explains. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the growth of online advocates and the rise of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number